**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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