barbara walters just said penis...
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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