I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
