MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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