Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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