it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
