I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
