Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize