I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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