WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
