people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
