Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
