I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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