I accidentally had phone sex last night
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
