Just mADE A PArabola og urine
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I would fuck him just for his dog
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
