peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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