Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
