Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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