um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
