I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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