I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Jerry, you need to find god
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
