he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
