there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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