Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
