She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
