She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
