OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
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