She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
