you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
