sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
