Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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