if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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