I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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