I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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