Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He better not be in your backpack
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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