I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
