Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
