its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
