Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
