Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize