so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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