I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
