Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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