I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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