I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you didnt know i had herpes?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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