so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
