I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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