I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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