I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
