I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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