apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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