Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
