I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
