I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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