and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You dont lie about slip and slides
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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