how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
