I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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