my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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