i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
