Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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