Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize