I accidentally had phone sex last night
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize