Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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