I CAN MOONWALK!
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
