You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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