Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize