i think my tv is drunk
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
