Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
