I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
he fucked my hip out of place.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
