Got a toothbrush?
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
