If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize