Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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