I met the friendliest cop last night
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
