hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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