OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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