Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
