Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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