Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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