i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
