this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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