Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
