I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
