If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
