come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
