carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
