Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
