HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
