you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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