I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
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