every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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