ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
