We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
