it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
