dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
What drink are we having for lunch?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
